I wanted to share our personal experience with sleep training our 9 month old baby. This is just my experience, and I know each baby and situation is different, but I am sharing my story because I was SO scared to sleep train. It ended up being such an unexpectedly good experience so I am hoping that my story will inspire another mama to take the leap and sleep train if she is feeling depleted and exhausted from the sleepless nights.
Our mindset ever since Denym was born was 'don't fix it if it isn't broken'. Before Denym was born, people would ask us if we were going to sleep train, have a night nurse, use a latch specialist, etc..., and I would always say that if we needed help, we would get it, but not the other way around. Well, Denym didn't have any sleep problems in the beginning. The first 5 weeks she would wake up every 3 hours to feed and then go back to sleep. Then, once Denym was about 5 weeks old she started sleeping through the night. Around month 4 we put her in her room to sleep in her own crib (I cried during this transition but she was fine ha). Once she turned 6 months old she started to develop 'object permanence' where she would realize I was no longer in the room when I was out of sight. She started crying LOUD when I would put her down for a nap or at nighttime. I ended up having to do contact naps, if any naps at all, during the day. This meant no time for me to recharge or do things around the house. Did I mention I work from home too? It was getting out of hand. For night time, I would rock her to sleep but sometimes she would fight it, so it could take up to an hour after a long day. Then, around 11pm every night she would wake up and notice I wasn't there and would stand up and cry so loud for me to come get her. It broke my heart when she would cry, so I would run in and 'save her'. Slowly I started bringing her back into our bed every night at 11pm because I was too tired to stand or rock her back to sleep. Then, every morning she would wake up around 5 AM and instead of putting herself back to sleep, she would see us and be up!
This lasted 3 long months.
My husband would mention that we need to sleep train but that phrase gave me anxiety and I told him that I didn't mind getting her if she needed me. That part was true, but the problem was that all 3 of us weren't getting a good night sleep and that affected everything -- Denym was grumpy during the day, my husband and I were in survival mode juggling work, Denym, our home and our relationship and I thought, OK, something needs to change. It felt like we were in the newborn phase again and Denym was a couple months away from being 1 years old.
I went to see my pediatrician for our 9 month appointment with the question I already knew the answer to but for some reason, a little piece of me thought, maybe there is another way? She confirmed to sleep train and that it wouldn't take too long for her to learn how to self-soothe. It also helped to get reassured that she is not in
pain when she is crying. She just needs to learn how to self-soothe. I cried all the way home from that appointment because I knew sleep training had to start that night.
The type of sleep training method we chose: We didn't buy a sleep training program or talk to any specialists but I did have a couple friends who sleep trained so I picked out my favorite style from what I had heard/ lightly read about. We did something similar to the TakingCaraBabies method where we didn't take her out of the crib if she was crying, but we went in every 10 minutes to rub her back and say 1 thing -- our thing: 'it's ok baby, time for night night. I love you!'.
OK now it is time to breakdown how our sleep training went.
Night 1: We did our normal night routine (dinner, bath, play time, reading books, bottle, lights out, sound machine on) and then put Denym down awake and she was not happy - no surprise there. She right away started her loud cry standing and rocking back and forth. We waited 10 minutes (which felt like an hour to me) and then went in and rubbed her back and said our 1 thing and left. This made her even more mad. We waited another 10 minutes and went back in. We did this 3 times. It was interesting to watch her cry change.
She went from:
Phase 1. HELLO, I KNOW YOU WILL GET ME.
Phase 2. WAIT, HELLOOOOO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET ME.
Phase 3. OHH, MAYBE I AM SUPPOSED TO STAY HERE?
It was so funny. I could literally hear her cry change and this helped me because it showed me she is learning how to self-soothe - which gave me hope. Around 11pm she woke up and was mad -- not as mad though because we put her down awake so she went to sleep the same way she woke up (without me rocking her). She stood up and cried and we went in 2-3 times rubbing her back and saying the 1 thing and she was back asleep for the rest of the night. You best believe in the morning I RAN in there and hugged her so tight because I was proud of her and missed her so much. Even though she slept in the crib, I didn't really get any sleep because I just watched the monitor all night ha. One step at a time. It's so interesting that sleep training affects the parents as well (in an emotional way). I knew that at 11pm we were not going to get her, but a part of me just wanted to go in there and cuddle her because it is what we have done for the past 3 months. I had to remind myself that this is what is best for everyone -- to get some sleep! I really had to talk myself through it.
Night 2: We put Denym down awake and she cried. We only had to go in 2 times and she was asleep. She woke up at 11pm but put herself back to sleep within 10 minutes. She slept through the night and woke up and played in bed for 30 minutes before crying.
Night 3: We put Denym down and she didn't cry (!!!!!). She got up a couple times throughout the night but no crying, just moving around and repositioning. She woke up and played in her crib for 30 minutes before getting her.
She now goes down every night without crying and will just crawl around for a couple minutes until finding a comfortable spot to fall asleep.
Naps: We treated naps the same way as bedtime (not taking her out and saying 1 thing), and the crazy thing is, she caught on right away for naps too. She now goes down almost every time without crying and just crawls around until she gets comfortable to put herself to sleep. Some days she will cry when I lay her down but she doesn't stand up and within 1 minute she stops crying. Wild! I also don't have black out curtains yet, so she does this in a lighter room.
Porta crib: The other night we had her sleep in the porta crib at my parents house in a room she hasn't slept in before and she did GREAT - went down no crying and slept through the night. I was worried that this training would only work when we are in her room in her crib, but it turns out it can work anywhere.
My mental and physical state have drastically improved compared to what it was a couple weeks ago. Not only is Denym happier throughout the day, taking consistent naps, and going to bed at 6pm-7am but I also have more energy, I have my morning and night routines again, I spend evenings with my husband again, and I have the mental space to spend my days excited about life and making memories with my family. I have also noticed that Denym will independently play longer now that she is rested and has more energy which is great for her development and my peace and quiet.
I am writing this blog to give you hope that you can sleep train without it being an absolutely miserable experience that doesn't work. I will say again that every baby is different. I don't expect you to have the same experience as me and purchasing a sleep training program might be the best thing for your family, but I am here to say that this method did work for us and she did learn how to self-soothe within under a week without us spending a penny on a program or a specialist.
I would love to hear about your sleep training experience. DM or email me your experience or if you have any more questions about our experience. let me know.
You got this, mama!
Denym's sleep items right now:
- Pacifier (I sprinkle 5 around the crib now before each nap and bedtime)
- HATCH sleep machine (Use white noise on 30% and no light)
- No sleep sack anymore - just onesie pajamas
- Nothing in the crib with her (no blankets, bumpers, toys etc.)
@FitByKatieDickens
