Hi mamas, I wanted to do an entire blog post dedicated to my experience breastfeeding, pumping, and formula feeding. I want to preface that there is no perfect way to feed your baby. Every journey is different and every mom gets to decide what is best for you and you baby. I do want to shine light on my experience in case there is a mom right now going through the same thoughts/experiences I did. You are not alone.
For me, I went into motherhood just assuming I would breastfeed, maybe pump a little, and do it for a year. Little did I know that it isn’t a seamless nor perfect process that just “happens”.
Here’s my raw experience, no filter:
I remember sitting in the hospital after having Denym and a nurse came in and said she was going to help the baby latch for the first time. At this point, I’m exhausted, still feeling like an out of body experience from giving birth so I just nodded and assumed it would be painless. She came over and pinched my nipple so hard it took my breath away but nothing came out of my mouth because I was so tired ha. She then picked up Denym and placed her on my boob to start feeding. In the first couple of days, the only thing that comes out of your boob is colostrum which is the only thing the baby needs -- so cool. Anyway, it hurt SO BAD! I looked down in shock like "what is happening????" She said everything looked great and left. I sat there experiencing shooting pain watching our sweet girl breastfeed. I thought this was supposed to be a beautiful bonding moment and it didn't feel that way to me. I honestly didn’t care though because I knew she needed me for her fuel so I just let it happen. But wow that was not what I was expecting.
Fast forward to getting home from the hospital and it setting in that every 3 hours I would have to take my sore, bleeding nipples that I couldn’t even have the pressure of a shirt touching, and have Denym feed. Again, it terrified me but I didn’t care because she had to eat and that’s all I cared about. My adrenaline was going so fast, that I really didn't care about my pain. For 4 weeks this went on. So much pain, she was latching correctly but my nipples were never able to heal so they were constantly in so much pain. Wow. It was hard. Every single time I held my breath and she latched, body tense and just counting the minutes until she was ready to switch to the other side. I dreaded every single latch because of the pain. I hated that I dreaded it, but I did. I will say it did get a little easier especially once she was latched and eating, but the discomfort never went away for me.
I didn’t mentally prepare for this. I very quickly learned that there is not a lot you can plan for when it comes to motherhood. I also learned that you gain a strength that no one can describe to you until you are in it. It is powerful and you are laser focused on taking care of your sweet baby.
Around week 5, Reese asked if I wanted to try pumping to give my nipples a rest. I was reluctant because I felt like I was giving up but I tried it and to my surprise it was a lovely experience. My nipples felt like they had a break for the first time and I was able to physically relax my body. Denym took a bottle on the first round like nothing was different which made me feel good. After I saw this, in my head I thought I would breastfeed and bottle feed for a while but shortly after that, she started pushing my boob away and only wanting the bottle. I honestly couldn’t blame her because my nipples were so sore and raw I could see why she would prefer a seamless bottle ha.
This was hard for me because in that moment I realized my breastfeeding journey was done… pretty early. I didn’t expect that to happen but I tried to focus on the good — she was getting my breast milk to fuel her and my body was able to slowly heal.
But then all of a sudden everything took 10x longer… especially in the middle of the night. I had to pump, then put it in the fridge, then warm up a bottle and feed her … then clean all the parts of the pump and the bottle, then do that again every 3 hours.
The good thing is that she was taking the bottles so well and then started sleeping through the night around week 6 which was amazing for us and allowed me to drop the night feed. With a dropped night feed, I would just do a really long pumping session in the morning (around an hour) to get out around 10oz from the night.
I was working from home and having her full time so during the days it became very overwhelming when I would have to sit and pump for 20 min - 1 hour without being able to help her if she needed it. I started to slowly loose my milk supply and that added even more stress to make exactly what she needed to eat. I would sit there staring at my pump making sure I made enough for her to eat that day. Stressful! It got too much for me and I realized I needed to started transitioning to formula feed.
At first, I slowly dropped some pumping sessions (I would drop 1, then 2, and then 3... so I was only pumping 2 times a day). During this time, sometimes I would get a clogged duct and would have to use a pumping massager to help clear it out.
Then, one day… I was done. I remember the exact moment sitting on the couch adding the attachment to pump and nothing came out. There was so much relief by that point for my mental health and I took a deep breath and instead of stressing about transitioning to formula, I was just proud of myself.
I had 3 formula brands ready to use and only 1 of the brands she didn't take well (It was the HiPP brand from Germany-- she just looked really uncomfortable after/didn't want to finish the bottle). The other 2 brands she loved and would finish every last drop. Do not stress if your baby doesn't respond well to formula. There are different options. For me, I didn't want to use any U.S. brands due to their relaxed regulations so I started with a Swedish brand online called Semper. The only issue was that the shipping was more expensive than the formula itself and that got really expensive. Then we found Bobbie which is a U.S. brand but the first brand here to really take ingredients seriously and I was sold!
My journey is unique to me but I hope it resonates with anyone going through the thick of it right now. Some mamas have a seamless breastfeeding journey and that’s amazing. Some mamas decide right away to formula feed and that’s amazing. I tried my best with Denym and am proud of how I was able to provide nutrition through me and through formula for her. We are now using whole milk which is wild that she is already at the age that food is her fuel now! It all happens so fast, so don't sit in the hard moments and think this is forever.
You got this mama — I am so proud of you!
Pump I used: modela
Bottles I used: dr brown
Bottle warmer: dr brown
On the go bottle warmer: tommee tippee closer to nature travel bottle warmer
Formula we used and loved: Semper (online swedish brand) for the first 3 months and then Bobbie (US available at Target) until month 12.
@FitByKatieDickens
